It might sound strange but no matter how many times you've looked at your reflection in the mirror nothing prepares you for seeing yourself through TV eyes. It was SO surreal...like that unruly feeling you get when you hear a recording of your own voice played back to you...you're not quite sure if it's actually you or a well-trained imposter! Not being able to control what went out to thousands of people on a Sunday night was also an uncomfortable pill to swallow!
Despite the 3 big, fat, red NO's, and that awful facial expression the camera's caught when I saw them, I really enjoyed the audition experience! The outcome of the broadcast remains true but there were several moments left out of the edit that I'll always treasure....
Being told that I 'look sexy' by Dizzie Rascal was strangely satisfying *blush* lol!! (MassivE thanks to Mum for working her magic on those trousers and to FLY 53 for my beautiful jacket)! And thankfully all 3 judges made a point of complimenting my vocal abilities! But the most rewarding memory I have from my 5mins of 'fame' is having a near packed Hackney Empire applaud my humble efforts...and actively disagree with the judges decision! Apparently even The Sun had something to say about 'a young female soul singer...in crazy blue trousers'.
So what went wrong??
As an artist there are always things in any performance that you would change in hindsight! I probably would have sung a different song - the original Stereo Addict track is on a Primo beat...so when I couldn't get clearance I had another beat made up off the cuff and ran with it! Could my 2nd choice 'Take It' have got me through?! Or maybe it's just a case of me BEING better??!
The 'what ifs' are endless but it's pointless making excuses, or ranting about which song I should or shouldn't have sung! I'm encouraged by the love I received on stage, and SO grateful for all the supporters that have emerged since the show went out! But if Ashleigh Ashley really does have the potential to break through those Lean, Mean Music industry walls it's my responsibility to make sure she always puts her best foot forward and learns from each experience! For the love of music, but also for the love of all the people that have believed in me so far (and my Mum lol!)
;)
Must Be the Music, on Sky 1
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